


The Mindy Project drabbles

by Diaphenia



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:59:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 9,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/pseuds/Diaphenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of TMP drabbles, reposted in one place.</p><p>Latest: Into Every Generation, a Slayer is Born- the Buffy fusion</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Index

[Storage Closet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311555)

[Clubbing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311581)

[Running](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311596)

[I Get My Kicks on Route 66](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311606)

[Pitch Perfect](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311622)

[Drunk Dialing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311634)

[Tinder](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311647)

[Smutty Head Canon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311655)

[Playfighting+First Kiss](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311675)

[And when your plans unravel in the sand](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/2311675)

[Office Gossip](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3199076)

[Bar AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3199193)

[Girl Temporary Next Door](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3199241)

[Cherries](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389552)

[The Danny Project](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389573)

[The Mix Tape](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389657)

[First Date](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389693)

[Not Masturbation ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389744)

[Shoes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389786)

[How I Met Your Father](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389807)

[(not)Andy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3389834)

[Going Down](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3935641)

[In SPAAAAACE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/3935494)

[Into Every Generation, a Slayer is Born](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1142312/chapters/4954737)


	2. Storage Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rikyl. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/53976700360/mindy-danny-storage-closet) on June 23, 2013.

"Danny! she shrieked, "How could you get us locked in here when there’s babies I could be delivering?"

He looked at her, and waited.

"Ok," she said. "I actually wanted to text Gwen about those NPH wedding photos that leaked. Is there anything hotter than two men in tuxes?"

"Two straight men in tuxes?"

"That never happens. Straight men are always wearing… whatever the hell this shirt is, probably a poly-cotton blend, right?"

"I don’t know what that means," he said, feeling insulted. He thought he looked good this morning. Admittedly, he’d been nervous, splashing on a little too much cologne, but he looked good. At least his hair looked good. He knew that much.

She started hitting the door, yelling for Morgan. 

"Wait, wait," Danny said, grabbing her hands. She looked at him, wide-eyed, then her eyes darted quickly to his lips. He wasn’t an expert in people, but he knew what this was. He leaned in, and brushed his lips over hers. She gasped.

"You— you planned this, didn’t you?" she said, looking at him in wonder and annoyance and— with a touch of lust, he was pretty sure, confirmed with the way her fingers were stroking his. 

"Look, we’re both single, I’ve seen the way you look at me—"

"Like I want to make you fit to be with humans," she said, but softly, like she couldn’t snap at him but felt she had to try.

"And I know how you are with your romantic movies and your cheesy ridiculousness." He sighed. "I do have the key, just so you—"

But he couldn’t finish, because Mindy pressed him against the door, a smile on her lips.


	3. Clubbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested by jncar: _Mindy goes clubbing to get back in the game; Danny tags along supposedly for the same reason._.
> 
> Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/63283406846/so-sorry-you-had-a-rough-night-prompt-mindy-goes) on October 6, 2013.

"Danny, you are absolutely killing my mojo here. Like, just stabbing it to death with a spork," Mindy said, looking over Danny’s ridiculous display of slicked back hair and department store sweater. 

"I’m not sporking anything, there’s no sporking," he said.

"You’re sporking. It’s fine, just don’t let anyone here think we’re together." The last thing Mindy needed on her night out was anyone choosing not to approach her because Danny. “Unless you’re willing to fight someone over me but also totally take a punch and then a fall.”

"Right, I’m not going to do that." He gave her a weird look, like he’d been giving her for weeks every time she wasn’t watching him. It was almost endearing, in a creepy way. "I just want to, you know, do what you’re doing, getting back on the horse. I also broke up with someone recently, you don’t have the market cornered on breakups."

She was pretty sure a fiance beat out a girlfriend, even if that girlfriend was an ex-wife, but she wasn’t going to argue with him because the music was amazingly loud and the club was full of attractive people she didn’t work with who weren’t giving her those looks all the time. 

She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. “Remember, the point of this is to make me look good, not that I need the help because this dress was very expensive and I got it tailored to make my boobs look amazing.”

Danny totally peeked, which was rude and sort of hot. Mindy turned around and started dancing, and she could feel him moving behind her. She always forgot he was actually a good dancer, and he shimmed, did that hands-running-over-the-hips thing that made her shiver, and nuzzled her neck, practically. She was getting all sorts of looks from other guys who were totally hot for her, but when Danny turned her around away from them, she found she didn’t mind.


	4. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rikyl. Originally posted [here](http://saucydiva.livejournal.com/46638.html?thread=1414446#t1414446) on October 26, 2013.

“ _You’re_ taking up exercise?” Danny asked, looking suspicious. “Are you sure you don’t mean you’re taking up _hanging around at the gym, drinking smoothies_?”

Mindy glared at him. “While I know the smoothies to be delicious and made with non-fat yogurt _and_ only about eight tablespoons of sugar, no, that’s not why I’m going to the gym.”

“Are you sure? Because I’ve never seen you run to anything that wasn’t a shoe sale.”

“Ridiculous. I’ve also run to get Tom Hiddleston’s autograph. I may not have gotten it, but I did get tasered by his most attractive bodyguard.”

“I remember, you smelled like campfires and litigation for a week afterwards.”

“Regardless. No, I want to take up a healthy new lifestyle made up of vegetables and running.”

Danny narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Wait a minute. You and Betsy and Jeremy went out three nights ago.”

“Allegedly.”

“Not allegedly. You talked about it, you invited me, I pretended I couldn’t hear you but I could. And you talked about wearing that red thing that almost gave Shulman a heart attack once. You... you have a new boyfriend, don’t you?”

“Well it’s only been three days, I wouldn’t call him that _yet_.”

“You’re changing for that guy. As usual.”

_“What?”_

“You do it every time. Like when you almost became a Christian.”

“Hey now. I care about Jesus. I call to him occasionally.”

“Yeah, when you stub your toe. Mindy, when are you going to pick a guy who likes you for you?”


	5. I Get My Kicks on Route 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by rodarwar. Originally posted [here](http://saucydiva.livejournal.com/46638.html?thread=1419310#t1419310) on October 27, 2013.

"Listen, if you read me one more fact about a Kardashian, I'm throwing that thing out the window." Danny said, tapping his fingers on the wheel of his car.   
  
Mindy read him a fact about the Pitt-Jolie children, and her copy of _US Weekly_  ended up on the highway.   
  
The thing about Danny Castellano was that he had these weirdly hidden depths. Like he looked like all he cared about was spaghetti and being angry at his ex-wife, but when you really got to know him, you also got to know that he hated everything good, like romantic comedies and clothing that wasn't from a catalogue. Which was fine, but made being stuck with him in a car for hours really annoying.   
  
"That was mine," Mindy said, wondering if she'd brought  _People_.  
  
"You used it for evil, so you don't get to keep it."  
  
"I could just pull up the issue on my phone."  
  
"You probably can't, and besides, there won't be glossy pictures of thousand dollar sweaters."  
  
Damn it. He had a point.   
  
"We could play a game. We could count cows. Let's see, oooh! There's three over there."  
  
"Those are horses."  
  
She looked back at the field. "Are you sure?"  
  
He squinted. "Well, maybe. Have you ever left the city, or big cities in general, before?"  
  
"Yes. It was gross. I'm all for protecting our natural habitats and whatever but I really like pavement. Ok, 20 Questions. Let me think of a... go."  
  
Danny sighed, but gave in, just like she knew he would. "Is it an object?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is it a type of clothing?"  
  
"Well, I don't know if you'd call it that, exactly."  
  
"Do you even know how to play 20 Questions?"  
  
"Don't you even know how to guess lace-up leopard-print heels?"


	6. Pitch Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Yolanda Winston. Originally posted [here](http://saucydiva.livejournal.com/46638.html?thread=1427246#t1427246) on November 4, 2013.

"On what possible level do you think I'm actually going to like this movie?" Danny asked.   
  
"Only on the level that it's the greatest movie," Mindy said as the movie started.   
  
"Are you really going to hog the popcorn?"  
  
"Did you hear the part where I said  _this one's for me?_ "  
  
"That's two of them."  
  
"It's the principle of the matter."  
  
Danny glanced over at her, probably thinking about how he was going to steal her snacks, but it was his fault for not bringing his own. "This is not an actual thing people do," he said, as he watched boys in sports coats sing and dance.  
  
"Yeah, what activities did you do in college? Besides cave paintings?"  
  
"Hey now, I was very involved in school. Maybe you don't know this, but some people had to study very hard and didn't have time to rewatch  _When Harry Met Sally_  four hundred times before graduation.   
  
"Please." It had only been two hundred and thirty times, actually.  
  
"And look at this," he said with a frown. "Yet another movie with the guy and the girl and the bitchy blonde and the big competition."  
  
"The blonde's not a bitch, she's just dedicated," she said loyally.  
  
"It's just predictable. Obviously, the goth chick and the guy are going to have their big dramatic kiss at the end. What's the point if you know the ending?"   
  
Mindy looked over at him, and grabbed his hand. He looked at her hand holding his, practically in awe because clearly he knew he was about to get some wisdom dropped into his dumb head. "It's not the ending. It's the journey to get there." 


	7. Drunk Dialing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rodarawr. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/70248539951/mindy-danny-drunk-dialing) on December 16, 2013.

"Daniel D Dannyington," the voice at the other end said, and Danny vowed that tomorrow, he was cutting off his cell phone. No more of this; if people wanted him, they could call on a landline, from a landline. 

"Yes, Mindy?" he asked. 

"I just wanted to tell you bout my night with Clifffff. It was so goooood," Mindy said, the smile in her voice as bright as when she was standing right next to him. 

"You called me at 4 am just to tell me about your sex life? Come on, even for you, this is ridiculous.”

"Not sex, Jesus, how would I explain the booze bra? But it worked, Danny, the four step plan worked."

"You didn’t even do all of the steps."

She laughed. “But I did the most important step, which was the making out. You thought the plan was stupid, and it wasn’t.”

"The plan was stupid, and it’s ridiculous you’re calling to tell me this. What aren’t you making time with the ring-a-ding kid?"

"I know you’re being sarcastic, but what I’m taking from this is that you finally watched  _Clueless_ , and I’m happy.” 

"I just live to make you happy," he said, wincing as he did so.  _Or I could_ , he thought. “Don’t tweet about this.”

"This isn’t quite _balcony kiss_  good, but it’s almost as good,” Mindy said. 

"Almost is still something," Danny said. 


	8. Tinder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by partyscientist. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/72385573066/mindy-finds-dannys-profile-on-tinder) on January 5, 2014.

"I’m going down, I’m yelling  _Tinder,”_ Mindy sang under her breath as she left-swipped through boring guys, dudes wearing their sunglasses backwards, and fedoras. 

Then there was _Danny,_ which, how the hell did he even know about this? He’d once asked her if “app” was short for “appetizer.” She started screencapping everything, because, damn it,  _she_  was going to get to pick out the colors next time they painted the office. 

And, Jesus, had he been working out? He actually looked really good in some of his pictures, which seemed unfair.

Her finger hovered over the screen, about to swipe him into oblivion, when she realized she’d been staring just a little too hard at that beach picture. She told herself not to, but right-swipped him anyway. 

And found they were an instant match. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Left-swipe removes the other person from your results forever. Right-swipe means you're interested, and instant match means that he aready right-swiped her.


	9. Smutty Head Canon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rikyl. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/72995475621/smutty-head-canon-mindy-and-danny-separately-and-or) on January 11, 2014.

1\. The first time they’re together— and The Time After Cliff doesn’t count, along with The Time After the May Day Party, or The Time They Realized They Didn’t Get Pregnant on May Day— but the first time they’re a couple having couple-sex, Danny’s afraid to look at her, terrified of what she’ll read in his eyes. 

2\. Mindy’s got some weird ideas about sex. He expected she’d be weird about her body, and was willing to make concessions like turning out the lights or that thing with the tent, but he never realized she’d be so into  _performing,_ like she has some idea that he’s only going to be happy if she acts like some chick from a porno. He thinks it has something to do with those magazines she subscribes to, so he starts hiding them, but all that does is make her go buy fresh copies, which is a waste of money. 

He realizes he’s going to have to talk to her about it, which sounds terrible. They’ve been coworkers and friends for so long that, when they fight, they know exactly what buttons to push. 

The fight’s as loud as he expects, but after that, she stops faking her orgasms, so it’s productive, at least. 

3\. He likes things a little  _unorthodox_ in the bedroom, and he always suspected she didn’t. She’s way more game than he expects, even if it’s not her usual thing, and she gets into it. A little _too_  into it, he discovers, when the student/teacher role play ends with him actually writing out  _I will not jerk off to Ms. Lahiri’s amazing rack_ 500 times while she goes off to the teacher’s lounge to text. 


	10. Playfighting+First Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rikyl and Friendswaffleswerq. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/73681881554/mindy-danny-playfighting-kissing) on January 17, 2014.

“Danny! Why’d you make me watch that?” Mindy curled her face into his arm. The Frankenstein was probably going to eat the entire village and she was going to have to be a witness to this, like that time she saw Andrew Cuomo hit that hobo with his car. 

“All right, ok, let go. Let go. Ok, get your legs off me, this has gone far enough.” Danny tried to disentangle himself from her. She turned to face him, sitting on her knees for better leverage. 

“How could you!” she said, smacking him across the arm, not hard, but probably a little harder than she needed to. “You know how scary movies make me scared!” She punched him again, and then again. It was mildly comforting, in light of the terror, to know that some things, like punching Danny, always made her feel better. 

“Stop that,” he said. “We really need to—”

She smacked his arm again.

“OK, stop.” He twisted out of her range.

She put up her hand again and started to curl it into another adorable fist.

“Nope.” He leaned in, grabbing her hand and pinning it behind her back. It didn’t hurt, but she still yelped with surprise. He loosened his grip but didn’t let go, and she glared at him for a moment before she realized just how close together the two of them were. His chest was an inch away from hers, and she realized that if she were breathing just a little bit deeper, her breasts would be against his pecs.

Wait, why was she thinking about her breasts in relationship to Danny at all? Maybe it had something to do with the look he was giving her, vaguely bemused and slightly pissed, which was how he always looked at her, but now, he was staring at her lips, his face up close to hers. It was sort of hot, actually, like a scene in a movie. She looked at his lips too— purely out of curiosity— and leaned slightly forward.

Danny closed the distance between them. He let go of her hand, and pressed his hand up against her back, pulling her slightly up, while the other hand tangled into her hair. He kissed her flush on the mouth. His lips were surprisingly lush, and he tasted vaguely like peppermints. She grabbed blindly for his neck, her nail accidentally snagging his skin. He hissed in pain, and she smoothed down the skin. He swallowed her apology, biting her bottom lip.

Well, she hadn’t planned this at all, but she wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially if that horse was as hung as he seemed to be.

She pressed him back against the headboard, trying to angle him correctly against her. He went willingly, throwing a fist back up by his head. She kissed him again, and still he left that fist up.

She gripped his wrist lightly, and he took a ragged breath, his fist tightening.

_Oh,_  she realized, and grasped him tightly.  


	11. And when your plans unravel in the sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/74143317434/mindy-danny-and-when-your-plans-unravel-in-the-sand) because of [this](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/74135775370/the-ass-grab-the-way-he-threw-her-water-away-and-just).

Mindy wants to drag him into the bathroom with her. She wasn’t expecting that, but whoa, Danny’s a good kisser, and they’ve already totally ruined everything since no matter what she’s always going to know that. She might be getting back together with Cliff tomorrow, maybe still, but tonight, she’s single, and on a plane kissing Danny and feeling pretty good about it. 

"We can’t do that," he says. "It’s teeming with bacteria. It’s disgusting. It’s cleaner on the subway." 

"Like you’ve never had sex on the subway." He looks slightly chagrined, and she just  _knew_  it. She kisses him again, toying with his belt loop, and he looks like he’s wavering, but he still pulls her back to their seats.

She buckles back in. It’s pure torture, knowing that landing back in New York might break this spell, feeling like her every nerve is on fire. 

"Can we just—?" she raises and eyebrow, and he leans over, kissing her again. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth and she moans, completely quietly, but the old guy across the way shoots them a dirty look. 

That’s the end of that, apparently. Danny looks at her apologetically, inevitably siding with old people like he always does. He offers her a blanket, like she’ll be able to sleep after all this. She hands it right back to him, prepared to spend the time looking out the window, contemplating how weird everything is, when he starts tucking her in with the blanket like she’s a child or maybe an old-timey woman on a fainting couch. 

He leans over and kisses her temple, crossing her body with his right hand so it rests gently on her far hip. His thumb lands just where her shirt’s exposing the tiniest hint of skin, and he drags his thumb across. She lets out the smallest sigh, so delighted at the touch. He stills, then starts moving his thumb in small, deliberate circles. She scooches closer to him, and he lets go of her. She feels cold without him, but— he pulls up the arm rest between them. Then he slips his left hand under the blanket, finding the bottom of her shirt  again and teasing her lightly. He’s facing forward, trying not to attract attention, but Mindy doesn’t know how the rest of the plane hasn’t figured this out. 

She’s doing a terrible job of hiding it. Her chest is flushed and her breathing is heavy and she’s trying to figure out just how tacky it would be to grab him and push him southwards when he pulls away, again. 

"You’re killing me," she whispers. 

"I can’t, I just found you."

He turns his back to the aisle, pulling his own blanket up and curling into her shoulder like he’s asleep. Then he slips his right hand back in, feeling for her bra. She arches her back, slightly, and nods, and he slips his hand under the underwire. His fingers are a little rough on her nipple, and she clutches her boob like she’s having a heart attack, holding his hand through the fabric to apply the correct amount of pressure, which is  _more_. 

She can’t stop gasping, and she wishes she stole that bottled water when she had the chance. All moisture has left her mouth and is now located in her not-nearly-cute-enough panties. 

He looks at her, a question in his eyes, and she leans over and presses her forehead against his, trying to look sleepy. Then she grabs his wrist and pushes him under the blankets. She shifts around, unbuttoning quietly, squeezing his thumb to give him the strength to do this. 

The flight attendant picks that moment to ask her if she wants a drink. 

"We’re fine," Danny says, trying not to look guilty. "Nothing to see here."

"Two tonic waters," Mindy says. 

He hands them to her and smirks, quirking his head as if to say  _don’t attract attention._ Then he’s gone, thank god.

Mindy lowers her tray table for extra protection and also for the tonic waters. 

Danny relaxes, swirling his hand around. He teases her entrance, gathering moisture, then sweeps back to her clit. She throws back her head. 

He leans in, murmuring a steady stream of encouragement. He tells her this is so hot, that she’s hot, that she’s beautiful too. He kisses her earlobe, sucking it in like he did with her lips. She means to kiss him too, but she’s distracted, and he’s only too happy do all the work. 

She can feel herself clenching, tight as a string. She grabs his arm and digs her nails in, and he makes a pained face that sends her careening over the edge. 

She leans back, boneless, while he discretely wipes his hands on his jeans. She wraps her arm around his, pulling him closer. 

"Your turn," she whispers, excited. 

"Water break first." he says, and she notices the light sheen of sweat on his forehead. She wipes it off with her sleeve, giggling, while Danny chugs.

She grabs the other cup, and it turns out he’s right, tonic water is just the tiniest bit sweet. 


	12. Office Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Rikyl [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/74667870219/mindy-danny-office-gossip).

"Does it seem like those two are hiding something?" Peter asked, pointing his pen at Mindy and Danny’s retreating backs. 

"You think Dr. L and Dr. C are Nazi hunters?" Morgan asked. "Because I’ve wondered."

 "They’re up to something," Tamra said. "Look at them. She’s been bugging out over the weirdest things. Yesterday she freaked out because I picked up her phone she’d left on the counter."

"I accidentally walked in on the two of them in the hot pipe room," Betsy said. "He was helping her get gum out of her hair."

"She probably just fell asleep on her office floor again," Morgan said. 

"You know, this all started when they got back from LA." Peter frowned. "Do you think he’s helping her get over her breakup?"

"I knew Danny would ruin all our plans. What about Cliff? If Mindy’s over him then they’re not going to get back together and that’d be the worst thing that ever happened." Morgan looked distraught. 

Peter patted his shoulder. “Hey, buddy, we’re not going to let her do what she wants to do when her happiness is on the line.”

"Dr. L’s been working late every evening this week," Betsy said. "Let’s invite Cliff here and he can talk to her."

"Great idea!" Peter said. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Mindy’s face when Cliff barged into her office tonight. 


	13. Bar AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rikyl requested _Mindy/Danny, an AU where they don't know each other and they just meet somewhere, like a coffee shop or a bar, and maybe one of them tries to pick the other one up_[here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/82861005535/mindy-danny-an-au-where-they-dont-know-each-other-and/).

"I’ll have another one of these, and she’ll have another whatever that is," he said, pointing at some frou-frou fluff drink. She was cute in a chubby way, but he was into it. Too many girls now were too skinny, too much low self esteem. But this one clearly thought she was hot, if her shiny dress was any indication.

She turned to him and smiled reflexively. “Thank— oh, it’s you.”

"Damn right it’s me. Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?" He had half a mind to get up right that moment. This was New York, and there were four million women here, most of whom were into him.

She accepted a fresh drink from the bartender, taking a moment to lick a bit threatening to spill over the edge. Her pink tongue darted out, and— maybe he’d sit back down. 

"I’ve been trying to get that guy’s eye all night," she said, pointing at some British guy with perfect hair. Danny didn’t trust those types. Too handsome, never had to work hard or use hair product. Besides, that guy was chatting up some fake woman much more his own speed. He’d never even look at Danny’s girl, who was  _real_ , damn it. 

"You don’t want to do that. Look at him."

"He’s beautiful."

"He’s slept with half the women here and has called zero of them."

"And how many women have you called the next morning, Little Italy?"

He chuckled. “I’d call you before I was halfway out your apartment building.” 

He saw her smile then. He’d been mostly bluffing, but— maybe it was also the truth. 


	14. Girl Temporarily Next Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throwingpens requested something for next week's episode "Girl Next Door" [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/83590341320/the-mindy-project-drabble-girl-temporarily-next-door/) (spoilers for the next six days)

Obviously, the wall comes down almost immediately. Less obviously, it comes on the tail-end of a fight. 

"You think I’m not committed to you?" he yells. "You think that after all of this, this  _bullshit_  we’ve been through, that I’m not  _committed_  to you?”

"You haven’t even given me a key," she yells back. 

"You sneak in my window half the time anyway!" As if he didn’t leave it open for her, like they were the leads on a 90s teen show. The little footstool on their shared fire escape gave away his game.

"You keep Oreos in your apartment and I know you aren’t eating them—"

"Well, I have to convince you to come over somehow," he says, cracking a smile, and isn’t it just like him to think that’s funny. She asked him about them once and he referred to them as ‘Mindy bait’ which is equal parts hot and accurate. 

She isn’t ready to stop being angry though, and this is just barely about the key, really. “You think you can just dump me and we get back together and we’ll just take this super slow path to whatever the next step is? I’m almost 26—”

"Sure you are, you delusional—"

"And I don’t have time to wait for you to feel ready for keys when I have to worry about all of this." She gestures at her middle, towards her eggs, which she swore sometimes she could feel committing tiny egg suicide. 

Danny’s look indicates he knows exactly to what she’s referring. “You want to talk about kids?  _So do I_. But maybe you want to wait until there’s a ring on your finger. Which was going to happen at the next major holiday because I know you want to have all of facebook jealous when everyone’s at their most miserable.”

She’s touched he remembers that conversation they had years ago.

"But mostly, I haven’t given you your key because I wanted to surprise you with this—" and he pulls out a sledgehammer from behind the island, suddenly whacking the living room wall.

"No, Danny, that’s not—"

"I thought—" he whacks again, huffing a little. "We could— make this—one big—apartment."

"That’s so sweet. Do you know if this is a load-bearing wall?"

"It was supposed to be a symbolic gesture," he says, looking through the small hole he’s made, at her couch he shouldn’t be able to see. He throws down the hammer like he’s Thor’s less greasy brother. 

She mentally prepares herself to toss the magazine rack she knows is now buried under plaster and that pink picture frame from Forever 21 that couldn’t possibly have survived this. 

"I should’ve just asked you to move in, but. Hopefully you like this plan because I already paid the contractors and it’s going to be very expensive." He gives her a total puppy dog look.

Which works on her, obviously.  

She drags him to the bedroom, and it’s not until he’s buried between her thighs that she stills him briefly to ask, “What’s this about a ring?”


	15. Cherries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyrieanne requested Mindy and Betsy, Betsy teaches Mindy something about sex and Mindy teaches her how to pick up a man in a bar.[here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84065367803/mindy-project-betsy-teaches-mindy-something-about-sex).

“Dr. L, I don’t know about this.” Betsy tugged her skirt down a bit. “I don’t think these guys are husband material.”

“Of course they aren’t, that’s the point.” Dr. L smiled at her, then pulled down her shirt to show the girls more. “Besides, that are you going to do? Sit at home, eating truffle ice cream, being sad that Danny doesn’t love you?”

“Technically Dr. Castellano didn’t clarify either way,” Betsy said.

“Never, ever, ever fall in love with Danny,” Dr. L said. “But you can’t be sad forever. That’s why we’re here. I’m going to teach you the secret to men.”

“Their heart is in their stomach?”

“We aren’t concerned with their hearts tonight, young Betsy. Step one, we’re going to strut on over to those bar stools.”

Betsy tried to imitate Dr. L’s walk, but it was difficult to do without letting her skirt ride up, so Betsy thought she looked more like a toddler running to the bathroom than the mature sexy woman she was trying to be.

She wasn’t much better at the sexy hair toss that made Dr. L look like a shampoo commercial and Betsy fall off her stool.

Betsy watched while her friend chatted up an attractive insurance salesman. Idly, she popped the cherry from her drink into her mouth and, a minute later, pulled out a perfectly knotted cherry stem. 

Dr. L stopped mid-conversation to gawk. “How in the world?”

"It’s easy," Betsy said, flagging down the bartender for more cherries. "I learned from my cousin Terry."

An hour later, Dr. L had a loosely tied cherry stem, and Betsy had three free drinks and a date planned for the following Friday.

Dr. L gave her a wicked grin. “Betsy, that was amazing. Can you make sure we have a big bowl of these in the office on Monday?” 


	16. The Danny Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post "Girl Next Door" fic, originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84296860189/the-danny-project-post-girl-next-door-fic/)

Mindy starts going out with that cop guy, and that’s good, Danny supposes. She’s doing all sorts of things differently these days, same as she did with all the boyfriends, only unlike usual at least she was gaining some actual life skills. She told Morgan she used a level to hang pictures, and after Danny winced at the thought of those nails in his wall he was proud of her. 

Of course, he could do without those shoes in the hallway every Saturday night, but he can’t have everything. 

They settle into friendship, almost. They’re friends, except he wants her, and she’s right down the hall and he can smell her shampoo all the time now. 

He figures he’s got to move on, and he vows to do it. Soon. 

Until the day Peter slams him into a locker room locker after a particularly grueling twin delivery.

 "What the hell what that?" Danny says, pushing Peter off of him.

"Are you just going to give up on my girl Mindy?" Peter says. "Because I don’t think you should."

"She’s with that guy, you know that. She’s happy."

"She’s not happy. Well, she’s blissfully happy. But she misses you. I know it, you know it."

Danny drops to the bench. “She wants it to be  _her choice_.”

Peter drops next to him. “And it should be, but dude? How’s she going to know what her options are if you don’t let her know you’re still into her?”

"What, you think your new relationship of several whole weeks makes you an expert at love?"

"It makes me an expect at  _something_ , if you know what I’m saying—”

"Gross."

"But you know I’m  _right_.”

Danny sighs.”I know you’re annoying.”

"Look, I know all about that thing you did last time—"

"She told you about that? Oh that’s just great."

"Hey now, she’s got a right to talk to her friends. She was pissed. Listen, It’s gotta be a grand gesture like you’re in one of those movies she loves to much. Maybe you could rent out a parade float or learn to dance—"

Danny snorts.

"Or buy her an island."

"Fantastic idea. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Prentice." Danny fake claps.

"I’m just saying. You can’t keep doing these half-thought out things. Go big or go home." Peter stands up to leave.

"Home is next door to her."

"Yeah, great plan on that." Peter walks off, then returns a moment later. "So if you can’t go home, you gotta go big, you get that, right?"

Danny waves him off.

As a Castellano, he’s used to going big (not bragging, that’s just facts) but he’s not great at romance. But he likes Mindy, and she likes romance, so he knew what he had to do, starting with those ridiculous movies of hers. 

Danny changes quickly, then runs out of the hospital, looking for the nearest Blockbuster. 


	17. Mix Tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyrieanne requested Mindy insists on making a sound track for their very rom-com first date. Danny begrudingly agrees to help. They argue over music. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84984916649/mindy-insists-on-making-a-sound-track-for-their-very/)

"We already had a first date. The first time we dated, and now last night," Danny said, pulling on his pants.

Mindy was already hunched over her laptop, her hair everywhere and only one sock on. She looked perfect. He dropped a kiss on her temple.

"Right, but this is our last first date," Mindy said.

 "Last first date with each other or…?"

"Your last first date with anyone. I’m not dating again until you die, probably from realizing the price of bread these days. But that’s a long way off."

Danny started mixing up pancake batter, and took a short Mindy detour. “What’s a Kesha?”

She laughed, then clicked on something, making horrible, horrible music come out the speakers. 

"How about some real music on there? Maybe Joel or Seger, or—"

"Sorry, Danny, I don’t know how to put records on CDs. I only know how to put them in the trash."

"That’s real funny. How about this one?" He started humming a little Springsteen. Real classic. 

She rolled her eyes at him. 


	18. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clubgetright requested their first official date [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84996378969/cant-contain-the-feels-drabble-request-dinner-right/)

"Thanks for getting my shoes back," Mindy said, smiling in the candlelight. 

"I can’t believe I had to pay that guy fifty bucks," Danny said. 

"You rescued me. Meg Ryan would be so proud."

 He shook his head. “Next time, keep your clothes on when you climb the stairs.”

"I’ve never started a date with a request to keep my clothes on. Except that one time."

"Oh, believe me when I say I’m not asking you that. You are free to take your clothes off. Required, even."

She bit her lip, but he still caught her smirk. “I don’t know, Danny, it’s just the first date.”

"And we already rolled around on the floor." And scandalized an elderly couple while they were at it.  

"Well then," she said, and she unbuttoned the top button on her shirt. 

"Dinner’s coming," Danny said, his eyes glued to her.

She popped open another one. 

"And we were going to order dessert. Something big. Lotta whipped cream."

She toyed with the third. “Your call, Castellano.”

Calzones sounded amazing, but. “Check, for the love of god, I need the check!”


	19. Not Masturbation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon requested _mindy's a little disappointed when danny buzzes her up and he's not getting intimate with himself_. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84999834254/mindys-a-little-disappointed-when-danny-buzzes-her-up/)

Danny’s sweaty when he lets her in, but it’s the wrong sort of sweaty. The fact that she knows that is a little gross, granted, but she’s pretty certain. 

Not that she cares. He’s her ex-boyfriend and a total heartbreak. 

He cuts her hair with only like three mean comments, which is an improvement. 

"Aren’t you going to get going?" Danny asks her. 

"I’m shocked you weren’t, you know, when I got here."

“ _You know_? What do I know?”

"Nothing. I just thought you’d be, jerking it."

Danny looks puzzled. “What sorta weird game you playing?”

"You said you were. I thought I’d catch you with a bottle of vegetable oil and some girlie magazines you bought at a gas station."

"You’re a real piece of work. You’re literally on your way to meet a guy after dumping some other guy and you’re hoping to catch me with my hand around my—"

"No! I was just— you  _said_.” It wasn’t like she wants to see it, or anything, it’s just that Danny was sort of weirdly good at sex, and he’d once insisted that the two of them  _learn from each other_ , so to speak. Mindy wasn’t big on masturbating next to someone, feeling like sex was for two people and masturbation was for lonely nights, but Danny had given her some motivation. And it had been really hot, to let herself go like that, and he’d looked at her like she was baseball season tickets and a sub sandwich all at once. 

Then it had been his turn, and she watched, head cradled in her hands, as he rubbed himself, slowly at first, then faster then faster still. She found his hand mesmerizing, and didn’t even realize she was rubbing herself against the bed a little until he’d flipped her over and started eating her out. 

It’s not like she’s expecting a repeat performance, but his hair is weirdly perfect, and she’s feeling a little vulnerable. They’ve never had a slip up, having done the usual post-breakup hookup, and… of course she’d  _never_ , but it’d be nice to be asked. 

If he has any idea what she’s thinking, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he tells her, his voice slightly husky, that she should probably get going. 

She probably should. She kisses him on the cheek and goes out to meet her destiny. 


	20. Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon wanted anything focusing on Mindy's missing shoes. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84992643754/anything-centered-on-the-fact-that-mindys-not-wearing/)

"Ok, just so we’re clear, you’re going to have to take me down," Mindy said, breaking the kiss. 

"I’ll take you however you want," Danny said. He had a flood of mental pictures about what exactly that would involve. The one he kept coming back to involved taking her against the side of the wall overlooking the greatest city on earth, but he wasn’t picky. It could also be in the elevator.

 Her pupils got huge, and he wondered what pictures were playing in her mind. “No, I mean my shoes are missing, so you have to carry me down the stairs.”

"But there’s an elevator. And a date. And the stuff that comes after the date."

"I ran up one hundred and four flights of stairs, Danny. That’s approximately one hundred and four flights of stairs more than I usually deal with in a day."

"And you want to walk them again?" He started touching the soft skin of her cheeks again. She was like a drug, only better, because she was legal. At least, he was pretty sure she was in the country legally.

"I dropped my coat, my shoes. My Spanx are somewhere on those stairs too."

"Spanks?" That was a whole new set of images to think about. 

"That’s not— doesn’t matter. You want to eat? I can’t go in a restaurant barefoot. There are laws.” She shifted against him, and  _oh_  but he wanted her. 

"How about this? You take my shoes, we buy you new shoes tomorrow—”

"We have work tomorrow."

"Absolutely no one in the office thinks we’re coming in tomorrow," he said, and he grabbed her hip to her obvious pleasure.

"Anyway, we take the elevator, forget your shoes, order take-away, and then we get horizontal on something that people haven’t stepped all over."

She nodded. “Maybe we shower first. Together.”

And that was a whole new set of images.


	21. How I Met Your Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon sent me _Omg fic of established dandy where Mindy finds out Danny actually gave up after an hour_. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/84989383309/omg-fic-of-established-dandy-where-mindy-finds-out/).

"Are you kidding?" Tony asked.

"Do we have to?" Khloe asked. 

"Kids, your mom wants to tell the story, let her tell the story," Danny said.

 Mindy smiled. She’s already disabled their electronics, so they were stuck. “It all started back when we were residents, and your father was a backstabbing son-of-a-bitch—”

"Hey now," Danny said. 

"Son-of-a-perfectly-lovely-woman. Anyway, he was always stealing patients from me, and gloating about it—”

"Maybe in the interest of making our dinner reservations, we speed this up a little."

"Fine. Years go by, your father is always creeping on me, etc, etc, trying to break up my relationships." She ignored his eyeroll. "Anyway, we date, we break up almost immediately, and I move on. But then, he asked me to meet him on the top of the Empire State Building."

"It was romantic," he said. 

She still felt the flutter when she thought of it, all those years later. “He said he would wait all night, which is good, because the elevator was broken.”

He jumped in, grinning. “It was fine when I got there, which was even better, since I had to get to you before you turned around and left.”

She frowned, replaying that sentence in her head. “Before I left? But you got there first.”

He winced. “I did.”

"You did."

"But then I left."

Mindy curled her fingertips into her hands. “But you  _left_?”

"But I came back!"

"Kids, go play outside."

"Oh," Tony said. 

"Mom, I’m in high school," Khloe said. But they both left, so that was ok. 

"Really, Danny, you left the Empire State Building? You were going to stand me up there, twice?"

He suddenly looked tired, far more tired than even a sixty year old should look. “I wasn’t feeling great about my chances. If you’ll remember, you said you weren’t coming. I was stressed out. I needed pizza.”

He was such an idiot, but she hugged him anyway. She understood the pizza thing.

"Besides, you got what you wanted, which was all of this." He gestured down.

"Ok, buddy, let’s not try to turn this around. You owe me like six backrubs."

He grinned wickedly, then pulled her close. “We’re never going to make those reservations, are we?”


	22. (not)Andy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> evmlove, _what if real (not)Andy wasn't on the subway that morning?_. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/85085215744/are-you-still-taking-prompts-how-about-what-if-real/)

It was sort of hot, the way he talked about heaven like it was a real place.

She asked him to breakfast and he accepted, and while they were stepping off the train, she almost thought she saw someone familiar. Before she could get a better look, Danny grabbed her hand and tugged her to his side. They weaved through the morning rush together, hand-in-hand, up the stairs. When they hit the sidewalk, he kept holding on, so she did too.

“There’s this little place I really like—“ he said, because of course he had a little place. They practically strolled, to the annoyance of all the native New Yorkers, who slipped past them, muttering about the goddamn tourists.

The restaurant was charming, with mismatched silverware and half-melted unlit candles in cut wine glasses. Danny was charming, too, and that was weird.

“You been together long?” the waitress, Mary, an older woman with silver temples, asked them. “You two are just so cute.”

“Together? As in—“ Mindy started.

“Actually,” Danny said, nodding at her playfully. “We’re celebrating our third anniversary today.”

Mindy raised an eyebrow, but the waitress just smiled. “I knew it. How’d you meet?”

“It was a total meet-cute, to use her phrase. Our friends set us up.”

“That’s not a meet-cute,” Mindy muttered.

“Yeah, Jeremy, he’s our British friend, asked me to go with him to a party, and Mindy’s friend Betsy did the same, and then they sent us out on a wine-run together.” He looked at Mindy, daring her to continue.

Mindy smiled. “He said he knew the way, but obviously he got us lost. We were practically on Long Island—“

“I did not get us lost, I know directions.”

“We were so lost. But it gave us plenty of time to chat. That’s when I learned that Danny works as a midwife specializing in water births.”

He broke in. “And Mindy here was an unemployed actress.”

“I had a small part in  _Death of a Salesman_!”

“It was community theater.” Danny turned then, looking straight at her. “But she was so pretty, out in the moonlight, that I thought, this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Mindy felt the air crackle a little at that. She shivered.

“Besides, after we went to bed together she practically begged me to marry her,” he said, and the tension dissipated.

“He was ok,” she said with a shrug.

Mary looked pleased. “That’s so sweet. And, if I’m not mistaken, you’re pregnant, right?”

Mindy saw red. “You think I—“

“Yeah, she’s glowing,” Danny said. “But that’s just her.”

“So sweet,” Mary muttered. “Enjoy your anniversary.”

“We’re playing hooky, so I think we will,” he said.

It wasn’t until their waitress left he said, “so, you want to do it?”

“Marry you?” Mindy asked, panic in her voice.

He laughed “I thought we could start with hooky, but let’s see how the day goes."


	23. Going Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blithers requested _making out in the elevator in the Empire State building_. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/85424019011/tmp-drabble-going-down)

Getting an empty elevator at the Empire State Building was something of a miracle, but then so was Mindy, who was warm and soft in his arms. 

"We have two minutes," she whispered to him as the doors shut. 

"I can do a lot in two minutes," he whispered back, pulling a cigarette from her hair.

He pressed her against the side of the elevator, stabilizing himself against the bar along the back. He leaned down, capturing her lips again. She responded eagerly, throwing her hands around his neck. It was only minutes since they’d gotten kicked off the Observation Deck; apparently, a little harmless kissing could be considered “lewd public behavior” when accompanied by under the shirt action. He regretted nothing.

She stood on her tip toes, and he ground into her lightly, relishing the feeling against him. 

The elevator dinged, and they both looked; they’d just passed the fortieth floor. 

She wasted no time going for the bottom of his shirt, but when she put her hands on the planes of his stomach he groaned. 

"Oh yeah, you like that," she said.

"It’s actually— I got in a minor car accident on the way here," he said, in between dropping kisses on her collar bone. 

"You drove?" she asked. 

"More like a car hit me while I was running, probably was on his cell phone or something."

"Danny, are you nuts?" she asked, pulling up his shirt. She looked so horrified at what she found that she dropped the fabric. 

"I’m fine, I’m fine, I just need a little—"

"A little trip to the hospital!"

She’d pulled up his shirt again, already in full doctor mode when the door pinged open. 

"What are you doing?" the shocked doorman on the other side asked them. 

"It’s ok, I’m a medical professional looking at the results of an accident," Mindy said.

"Carry on," the doorman said. "I was just concerned. We got reports of some perverts up on deck level."

"Oh don’t worry," she said. "I can already tell that Dr. Castellano here won’t be doing any of that for weeks."

"Weeks?" Danny asked faintly. 

"I promise you, until you’re deemed healthy, all the over-the-pants action you can stand," she whispered back to him. 


	24. IN SPAAAAACE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rikyl wanted Mindy and Danny in SPAAAAACE. Originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/86380251899/mindy-and-danny-in-space)

She pictured her life as a series of ever- decreasing amounts of personal space. With Tom she’d had to share New York, with Josh her neighborhood, with Casey that tent, and now with Danny, she was in an actual tin can. Sure, NASA said it was space-worthy, but she wasn’t sure she agreed. 

In retrospect, it was probably a mistake to book a vacation with her boyfriend of several weeks. If one had to pick a vacation with said new boyfriend, it was probably best not to pick a tiny spaceship to ride in, cool as a trip to the moon was. 

Because Danny was on top of her literally every moment, and it turned out? She sometimes needed some alone time. Sans her new boyfriend, the captain, and eight other people. 

She didn’t even want to _talk_  about the bathroom situation. 

To top it off, she was sharing a bunk bed like they were coed college roommates at one of those really liberal schools. Except Danny, it turned out, was  _clingy_. Not during the day, at work or even after work, but he refused to sleep alone. They’d spent every night together since the Empire State Building; no matter how much or how little time they spent together prior to bed, there he was, buzzing himself in. She assumed the bunk beds would cure him on this habit, but he still crawled into bed with her, resting half over the edge of the bed but never falling out. 

And, ok, that was nice. The ship was freezing, and Danny was a furnace, and the second night on the ship he might have slipped one hand into her pajama pants, and that might the only time she’d ever gotten off while sharing a room with nine people. And he’d smothered her cries with his mouth, and even now, thinking of it made her blush hot. 

Which of course the lady from Connecticut noticed, because she was never more than two feet away from someone else. 

Mindy put on her space suit, ignoring the gentle ribbing. The ship’s engineer checked out her work, strung her up, and shoved her out the door before she had time to realize this was a bad idea. 

It was breathtaking, like that Sandra Bullock movie, but even better than IMAX. The sky stretched endlessly, and she reached out her hands, hoping to grab a star. She saw, in that moment, why people believed in their gods.

And the  _space_. For the first time in three days, she had no one near her.

She twirled.

She kicked.

She did an almost sort of terrible somersault. 

And almost tumbled into Danny. 

He mouthed something at her, but she couldn’t read lips. “Hey there,” she imagined him saying. “I saw you were alone for almost sixteen minutes and I couldn’t stand it.”

 _Jesus_ , she thought.  _Go away_. 

She swam away from him, using her propellant, and he tugged on her string, pulling her back to him. He grinned through his helmet, thinking it was a game. 

She pushed off of him, shooting herself into space, towards the stars. This time, he swam up to her, and she thought about shoving him and seeing if he’d get the message. 

But instead, he pushed off of her, then motioned to her to follow. She did. He did a flip-y thing over her, then grabbed her hand, twirling his other arm insistently. It took her a moment, but she got the message, and started twirling her arm too. He started twisting his legs, and she realized— he was dancing. With her. In space. 

They’d spent too much time together in the past three days, and she had another six to go, but she couldn’t pass up this opportunity, to dance among the stars with the guy that mattered the most to her. 

Later that night, when they were curled up in the bunk bed and she was already planning the giant hotel room she was going to rent, alone, the moment she was wifi-adjacent, he cupped her ear. “Ever since I saw that Disney movie with the lesbian robots dancing together—”

There was so much wrong there she didn’t even know where to start—

"I knew I wanted to do that with someone special. And ever since I realized that was you, I wanted to take you up to the stars."

"Ok, you practiced that line,” she whispered back. 

"What’re you gonna do about it? Sue me? There’re no laws. We’re in international space out here." Then he grinned at her, pulling her close.

She snuggled back into his warmth. She was still getting that giant hotel room when they touched down. But maybe, just maybe, she’d bring him with. 


	25. Into Every Generation, a Slayer Is Born

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alittlenutjob requested an AU and got a Buffy fusion [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/94381387614/more-quality-au-for-tmp-and-i-hate-au-its-gotta-be)

The first time they hollered at her, Mindy was honestly pretty flattered. Lauren would say it was sexual harassment,  but Lauren looked like every woman in  _Cosmo_  magazine, so Lauren could shut it. 

She peeked back to see if they were still behind her. Then she saw them pull up, half on the sidewalk, stalking out of the car towards, and she panicked. She broke out into a run, her heels clapping on the sidewalk. Shit, she should’ve worn practical shoes, or tried to run instead of spending gym class texting.

She had no weapons, other than her backpack. Maybe her eyeliner? Maybe her keys? Maybe her AP chemistry book?

She heard yelling, and glanced back. The one in the bomber jacket was screaming nonsense, or it sounded that way. Then the one in the leather duster started yelling her name, which was even worse. 

She didn’t want to die. Not at seventeen, not on a deserted street late at night. And she would never outrun them. 

She slipped off her backpack, but it didn’t trip them like she hoped. Nor did she miraculously get super fast.  _Fuck_. 

Then she saw it, this pointy branch. It wasn’t much, but it was her only chance. 

"Get the hell out of here," she yelled with as much authority as she could muster. "Or I will poke you to death."

Bomber Jacket laughed. “You really think you can stop us?” Then he shook his head, and his face got… wrinkly. And in the moonlight, she could see his canine teeth were suddenly… longer. 

They were closing in on her. She threw the stick at them, because she had to do  _something_. 

The stick hit Bomber Jacket square in the chest, and since when did she have aim?

Then he  _exploded_. Just ashes to dust  _exploded_ , and Leather Duster looked at her with almost fear before turning tail and running away from her. 

"That’s right, I’m coming for you next!" she yelled. 

What was going on?

And then, from the shadows, some other asshole in a ridiculous Member’s Only jacket. Great.

"I will get you too!" she said, picking up a rock. 

"Relax," he said, and he sounded like Staten Island. "I’m here to help."

***

So it turned out she was a vampire slayer, more like  _the_  vampire slayer, and Staten was her  _Watcher_. Like she needed more people watching her, but fine. At least he had weapons. 

Although now she had to get trained on said weapons, and that was terrible. Danny, her Watcher, thought he now had the right to demand she train 24/7. She had valedictorian to achieve, and about six clubs, and three volunteer positions. She still had to wait for acceptance letters. 

(“Slayers don’t go to college,” he’d scoffed that first week. “Most don’t make it to eighteen.”

"If I’m going to save the world," she’d said. "If you think I’m giving up everything to save the world, I at least get to gain the freshman fifteen and go to frat parties and underage drink."

"You don’t get to gain weight." He pinched her love handle, and she almost stabbed him with a stake. "And college isn’t so wonderful."

"Spoken with all the wisdom of a 23 year old," she muttered. "Like you even went to college."

She saw she was right, and that it bothered him.)

She had given up being a candy stripper, the least of her activities, and was now spending her Saturday mornings in his tiny hell-hole apartment, doing sit ups and crunches while he yelled, “Slayers should work harder!”

"Watchers should shut up!" she heaved. 

She had to stab the air with wooden weapons like it was the Middle Ages for hours at a time.

And she wasn’t allowed to play with the bow anymore, after killing Danny’s most terrible lamp.

(“My ma gave that to me!” he’d said. 

"Was she punishing you for something?" she asked, but bought him a new one anyway. A better one, from this century.)

She was tired. Exhausted. 

And about ready to call in the towel on this whole chosen-one nonsense. 

Then her mentor and favorite teacher, Dr.Schulman, turned up dead with two pinpricks on his neck.

(“I’m sorry,” Danny had said, patting her awkwardly. “But you’re going to have to… he’s going to turn, tonight.”

She stabbed her teacher, or the monster that stole his body.

Danny turned away while she cried.)

She dropped out of her clubs, and cruised through her classes on three and a half years of goodwill. She spent her spare time doing crunches, running, using her weapons until it was all muscle memory.

She was even more tired, truly exhausted. 

But she was ready to fight.

***

They went out one night, wandering a mostly-abandoned cemetery which of course Danny knew about because he was the wikipedia of creepy places.

And Leather Duster popped up, because of course he did. This guy, this asshole who had scarred her before she knew how powerful she was, he was going to be her third kill. 

Except he’d been studying her, and he had her pinned in a hot minute, and he stole both her stake and her backup stake, and somehow she knew she was going to die in a cemetery of vampire. 

But Danny yelled “Slayer, what are you doing?!” and Leather Duster got distracted and she rolled him over and stabbed him with her eyeliner.

He exploded. 

And then Danny ran over to her, babbling about  _how stupid could she be_ , and this was her life now. 

"I was never in danger," she said, brushing vampire ash off of her. 

"You were," he said. "I didn’t prepare you enough."

"You can’t prepare for danger," she said. 

"That’s not true. That’s my entire role in your life, to prepare you for danger."

"Then I think we can agree that any failure was yours," she said lightly. 

"Then we need to work even harder." 

"Please, I’m just  _the slayer_  to you. I die, you get a new one. It’s whatever to you.”

"That’s not true, Mindy," he said, using her name for the first time, grabbing her arm. "That not true."


End file.
